there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
