is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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