took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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