Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
