Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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