That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
