Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
