Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize