Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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