flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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