You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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