I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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