He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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