White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
