saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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