I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
