I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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