I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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