Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
