Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
