Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
