Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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