dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
