just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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