I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize