Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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