no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pooping to opera.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
