did you get engaged???
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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