suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
