You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize