addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
