I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
