i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
