Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
