Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just fell off a train. Bad.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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