Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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