Umm I'm too high to move.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
