I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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