I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
