I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
