Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
