Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
4 words: hood of his car
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
