if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
