Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
