I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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