nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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