So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize