you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
