Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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