Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
