i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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