I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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