May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
