i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize