my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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