so that wasnt chicken after all
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize