Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
