the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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