if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
