I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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