The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
