I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
