Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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