She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
