If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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