I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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