if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
