I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
