3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
