Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
