yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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