I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
