God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
