as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
