i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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