I'm really into asian looking animals
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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